MARGARET
            Well, he is a little funny looking.

                                   JASON
            I got one!

                                   WARREN
            You got one?  You got an ugly joke?

                                   JASON
            I'm so ugly...

                                   WARREN
            Yes?

                                   JASON
            I'm so ugly...when I...wake up in the morning, I can't get
            back to sleep!

                          (of course, nobody laughs)

                                   WARREN
            Well, I'll be...

                          (beat)
            He's stupid too!

                          (all laugh loudly)

                                   LARRY
            And to top it all off...

                                   WARREN
            What's that?

                                   LARRY
            To top it all off...he's so stupid...he doesn't even know
            he's ugly!!!

                                   This gets the biggest laugh of all.
                                   Margaret gathers her ducklings and
                                   Jason, while the rest of the partygoers
                                   converge and mingle.  

                                   MARGARET

                          (gathers kids)
            Oh, that's enough laughing for one night!  Too much laughing
            gives you a tummy ache.  That's a proven medical fact!  Come
            children, it's time for bed!

                                   JASON
            But, Mom...everybody is having such a good time!  I mean,
            isn't it great to have all this laughing?

                                   MARGARET
            Sometimes laughing is just a shield, dear.

                                   JASON
            A shield?

                                   MARGARET
            Sometimes laughing is just covering up for sadness.

                                   JASON
            You mean...everybody here is really sad?

                                   MARGARET
            Come to bed, Eugene.

                                   JASON
            Are they sad because of me?  Because I'm stupid and ugly?

                                   MARGARET
            Come.

                          (stops; finds index card)
            Oh...this belongs to you.

                          (gives Jason the card)

                                   JASON
            What is it?

                                   MARGARET
            It tells you what your job in life is.  It tells you what you
            are expected to contribute to the barnyard.

                                   JASON

                          (reads it)
            Well...okay!

                                   MARGARET
            I'm sorry, dear.  I just don't think you can do it.  Not the
            way you look.  Not the way you...act.  Come to bed.

                          (she starts off; Jason follows
                           her)

                                   WARREN
            Hold on, there, big fella!  Where do you think you're goin'?

                                   JASON
            Well...Mom just said it was time for bed.

                                   WARREN
            Hmm.  Well, now, Bella, far be it from me to stick my beak in
            where it don't belong, but...you think it's smart to let this
            boy, here, bunk down with your bunch of little cuties, there?

                                   CYNTHIA
            Destry is right, Bella.  He could be a bad influence on them.

                                   MARGARET
            Bad influence?

                                   WARREN
            Why, sure!  Say one of them sweetie pies gets a hankerin' for
            a drink of water in the middle of the night, opens his eyes,
            sees Frankenstein, here.  Could give the little one a scare
            that ain't never gonna be forgit!

                                   MARGARET
            Well, I don't think...

                                   CYNTHIA
            Not to mention the psychological implications...

                                   WARREN
            Absolutely!  Not to mention them...psycho...whatever things,
            there!  Tell her, Apple Ears.

                                   CYNTHIA
            Why, since the little ones already know he's their brother,
            the longer they're exposed to him, the more likely it is they
            think they're going to grow up to be like him!  My goodness,
            their little self-esteems could be irreparably damaged!

                                   WARREN

                          (nodding)
            Reparably, there...what she said!

                                   LARRY
            Better pay heed, Bella!  Destry and Dulcinea are very
            successful ducks.  They know what they're talkin' about!

                                   OZZIE
            Might be a good idea to find him someplace else to live,
            Bella.  Just in case.

                                   MARGARET

                          (beat)
            No.  Eugene is my son.  He will live with us.  He will stay
            with his brothers and sisters.  Come, children.  Come,
            Eugene.

                                   JASON
            Uh...okay, Mom.  I'll be there in a minute.  Just wanna catch
            a breath of fresh air first.

                                   MARGARET
            All right.  I'll see you inside.  Children!  Follow me!  And
            walk exactly as I do!

                                   Margaret leads the kids offstage to
                                   some waddling music.  Before she exits,
                                   she makes sure they are all waddling
                                   the exact way she does.  They leave. 
                                   Warren, Cynthia, Larry and Ozzie huddle
                                   together and watch.  

  
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