MARGARET Well, he is a little funny looking. JASON I got one!
WARREN You got one? You got an ugly joke?
JASON I'm so ugly... WARREN Yes? JASON I'm so ugly...when I...wake up in the morning, I can't get back to sleep! (of course, nobody laughs)
WARREN Well, I'll be... (beat) He's stupid too! (all laugh loudly)
LARRY And to top it all off...
WARREN What's that?
LARRY To top it all off...he's so stupid...he doesn't even know he's ugly!!! This gets the biggest laugh of all. Margaret gathers her ducklings and Jason, while the rest of the partygoers converge and mingle.
MARGARET (gathers kids) Oh, that's enough laughing for one night! Too much laughing gives you a tummy ache. That's a proven medical fact! Come children, it's time for bed!
JASON But, Mom...everybody is having such a good time! I mean, isn't it great to have all this laughing?
MARGARET Sometimes laughing is just a shield, dear.
JASON A shield?
MARGARET Sometimes laughing is just covering up for sadness.
JASON You mean...everybody here is really sad?
MARGARET Come to bed, Eugene.
JASON Are they sad because of me? Because I'm stupid and ugly?
MARGARET Come. (stops; finds index card) Oh...this belongs to you. (gives Jason the card)
JASON What is it?
MARGARET It tells you what your job in life is. It tells you what you are expected to contribute to the barnyard.
JASON (reads it) Well...okay!
MARGARET I'm sorry, dear. I just don't think you can do it. Not the way you look. Not the way you...act. Come to bed. (she starts off; Jason follows her)
WARREN Hold on, there, big fella! Where do you think you're goin'?
JASON Well...Mom just said it was time for bed.
WARREN Hmm. Well, now, Bella, far be it from me to stick my beak in where it don't belong, but...you think it's smart to let this boy, here, bunk down with your bunch of little cuties, there?
CYNTHIA Destry is right, Bella. He could be a bad influence on them.
MARGARET Bad influence?
WARREN Why, sure! Say one of them sweetie pies gets a hankerin' for a drink of water in the middle of the night, opens his eyes, sees Frankenstein, here. Could give the little one a scare that ain't never gonna be forgit!
MARGARET Well, I don't think... CYNTHIA Not to mention the psychological implications...
WARREN Absolutely! Not to mention them...psycho...whatever things, there! Tell her, Apple Ears.
CYNTHIA Why, since the little ones already know he's their brother, the longer they're exposed to him, the more likely it is they think they're going to grow up to be like him! My goodness, their little self-esteems could be irreparably damaged!
WARREN (nodding) Reparably, there...what she said!
LARRY Better pay heed, Bella! Destry and Dulcinea are very successful ducks. They know what they're talkin' about!
OZZIE Might be a good idea to find him someplace else to live, Bella. Just in case.
MARGARET (beat) No. Eugene is my son. He will live with us. He will stay with his brothers and sisters. Come, children. Come, Eugene.
JASON Uh...okay, Mom. I'll be there in a minute. Just wanna catch a breath of fresh air first.
MARGARET All right. I'll see you inside. Children! Follow me! And walk exactly as I do!
Margaret leads the kids offstage to some waddling music. Before she exits, she makes sure they are all waddling the exact way she does. They leave. Warren, Cynthia, Larry and Ozzie huddle together and watch.