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THIS IS A SHORT SEGMENT FROM THE MISDIRECTED THEATRE PRODUCTION OF RUMPLESTILTSKIN...
                              
 
                                   Suddenly, almost out of nowhere, Ozzie,
                                   adorned as the impish Rumplestiltskin,
                                   races into the room and dashes around
                                   and about like a lunatic, laughing and
                                   singing crazily.  He appears to be
                                   making flirtacious "coochy coochy"
                                   signs and noises aimed at Margaret. 
                                   Margaret instantly grabs a broom and
                                   starts chasing him.

                                   MARGARET
                          (as she chases Ozzie with
                           broom)
            Oh, it's you again, you little caterwaulin' pest!  I told you
            a hundred times I'm not interested!  So leave me alone!

                                   OZZIE
                          (as Rumplestiltskin)
            Some day, my pretty!  Some day you'll fall helpless victim to
            my enticing advances!  Some day, I'll have you for my wife! 
            Coochy, coochy, coochy!

                                   MARGARET
                          (swings broom)
            I'll be your wife the day the moon turns green and chickens
            start playin' the mandolin!

                                   OZZIE
            Whatdya want?  What can I give ya that'll make you say you'll
            be my lovin' wife?  You name it!  Money!  Land!  Prestige! 
            Power!  Whatever you want, it's yours!  Just say you'll be
            mine!

                                   MARGARET
            I tell ya, get outa my sight before I take a crossbow to ya!
                          (to Cynthia)
            Can you see a scrumptious morsel like me marryin' a little
            twerp like that!  Not in a million years!  Aaaaah!
                          (she yelps and leaves)

                                   OZZIE
                          (smiles)
            She's comin' around!
                          (sees that Cynthia is weeping)
            Here, now...what seems to be botherin' ya, little one?

                                   CYNTHIA
            Oh...nothing you can help me with.

                                   OZZIE
            Oh, you never know, you never know!  I've been known to do my
            share of good deeds in my time.  Try me!

                                   CYNTHIA
            You can't help me!  The King expects me to spin this pile of
            straw into gold!

                                   OZZIE
            He does?

                                   CYNTHIA
            Yes!  My poor father told him I could, just so we could
            survive.  But I can't.  And now the King is going to behead
            me and my father!

                                   OZZIE
            Behead.  That can't be good.

                                   CYNTHIA
            So, you see?  You can't help me.  Nobody can help me!

                                   OZZIE
            Now, now don't be so hasty there, with your evaluation of the
            situation.  What if I told you...that I myself could spin
            that pile of straw into gold for ya?

                                   CYNTHIA
            Don't make jokes!  

                                   OZZIE
            Oh, I don't make jokes.  I make deals.

                                   CYNTHIA
            Deals?

                                   OZZIE
            Deals.  Let me show ya...I'm lookin' right now at that
            spectacular necklace you're wearin' 'round your very, very
            pretty neck.  That appears to me to be a necklace that my
            wife-to-be the wench might look dazzlin' in.  That appears to
            me to be somethin' that, were I to give it to her, it might
            turn her head in my direction, wouldn't you say?

                                   CYNTHIA
            Maybe.  So what?

                                   OZZIE
            So...what if I were to spin that pile of straw into gold for
            ya?  Would you give me that necklace?

                                   CYNTHIA
            You can do that?  You can spin straw into gold?

                                   OZZIE
            I asked you first.  Would you give me the necklace?

                                   CYNTHIA
            Absolutely!

                                   OZZIE
            Then stand aside while I do the voodoo that I do so well...

                                   Ozzie grabs the stack of straw and
                                   tosses it out of sight--behind the bed
                                   or anyplace where it can't be seen by
                                   the audience.  Music plays.  Ozzie
                                   sings.  And as he does, from the out-of
                                   sight location, streams and streams of
                                   gold appear, and form a pile of its
                                   own!

                                   OZZIE (CONT'D)
                          (when pile of gold is complete)
            Ta da!

                                   CYNTHIA
            My goodness!  It's beautiful!  How did you do that?

                                   OZZIE
            It's what I do, dear lady, it's what I do!  Some people
            paint, some people write, some people collect taxes--I
            prestidigitate!

                                   CYNTHIA
            You what?

                                   OZZIE
            I work magic!  I've been doing it all my life!  The only
            trouble is, I can't seem to work my magic on that wench!
                          (grabs necklace)
            But this...THIS will do the trick, I'm sure of it!  Good luck
            with the King.
                          (runs off)
            Oh, wench!  Wenchy!!!!
                          (he is gone)