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SANDBAG, STAGE LEFT (OR, ONE DEAD DOLLY)

               BY JOHN ANTHONY

                                   The scene is the courtroom of Superior
                                   Court of Mill City, Massachusetts. 

                                   (Throughout the course of the play, Mr.
                                   Anthony has placed in italics topical
                                   references and the like which may be
                                   altered by the director to suit the
                                   tenor of the day's news.  Also in
                                   italics are optional stage directions.) 

                                   At rise, the court session is ready to
                                   open. Theme music plays (some lawyer
                                   based recognizable TV show theme will
                                   do). The BAILIFF enters and, one by
                                   one, the 	WITNESSES, who will be
                                   identified later when they testify,
                                   enter the courtroom and are escorted by
                                   the Bailiff through an exit to their
                                   waiting room.  The Judge has not made
                                   his appearance. The Prosecution and
                                   Defense enter after the Witnesses. and
                                   move to their respective tables.
                                   Presently, the PRISON GUARD, whose name
                                   is Barry but who will hereafter be
                                   referred to as the Prison Guard, brings
                                   in ARNOLD MEDDLE, who is an essentially
                                   nondescript man in his mid-forties. The
                                   Bailiff now rises, and speaks sharply.

                                   BAILIFF
            All rise!

                                   All rise quickly for the Bailiff spoke
                                   very sharply.  JUDGE ROY L. BEEN enters
                                   in his robes and mounts the steps
                                   leading to his chair behind the bench. 
                                   The Bailiff then speaks again. 

                                   BAILIFF (cont'd)

                          (continued)
            Superior Court Number Eleven of the Commonwealth of
            Massachusetts.  The Honorable Judge Roy L. Been presiding.

                                   JUDGE

                          (sits; sharply, to Bailiff)
            That's "Been,"  My name is prounounced "Been" as in "pin,"
            not "Been" as in "bean."

                                   BAILIFF
            Sorry Judge.  Thought I'd kick things off with a little
            humor.

                                   JUDGE
            Well, knock it off!

                                   BAILIFF
            Yes, Judge.

                                   JUDGE

                          (clears throat)
            The people of the Commonwealth of Massachusetts versus Arnold
            Meddle.

                                   CLING

                          (a woman)
            Ready, your Honor.

                                   JUDGE
            Ready for what, Ms. Cling?

                                   CLING
            Ready to proceed, your Honor.

                                   JUDGE
            Did I ask you?

                                   CLING
            No, your Honor.

                                   JUDGE
            Then you're not ready.

                                   CLING
            Yes, your Honor.

                                   JUDGE
            Mr. Static, are you ready?

                                   STATIC

                          (a man)
            Yes, your Honor!  The Defense is ready.  I have no idea why
            the Prosecution isn't ready.

                                   CLING

                          (to Static)
            She told me I wasn't ready.

                                   STATIC
            Well, I'm ready.

                                   CLING
            Suck-up.

                                   STATIC
            Toady.

                                   CLING
            Brown Nose.

                                   STATIC
            Wuss.

                                   JUDGE
            Counsel!  That is enough!  BAILIFF...DRAW THE JURY!

                                   BAILIFF
            Draw?....Well, you see, I'm not really artistically inclined,
            and I think it would be better...

                                   JUDGE
            Choose!  Choose!  Draw the jury means choose the jury!

                                   BAILIFF
            Oh.  I thought we already drew the jury.

                                   JUDGE
            We did.  But I dismissed them all.

                                   CLING
            May we ask why, your Honor?

                                   JUDGE
            You may.

                                   CLING
            Why, your Honor?

                                   JUDGE
            Why what?

                                   CLING
            Why have you dismissed all the drawn jurors?  It took us so
            long to draw them.

                                   JUDGE
            I caught them all in Denny's this morning signing book deals. 

                                   STATIC
            I commend your Honor's honor for stemming the onslaught of
            these unscrupulous literary agents.

                                   JUDGE
            Onslaught stemming had nothing to do with it.  I was upset
            because nobody invited me to Denny's.  DRAW ME ANOTHER JURY!

                                   The Bailiff moves into the audience and
                                   chooses twelve people who w