edit
               THE WEDDING:  HOW IT CAME OFF

                                   ED
            It all started a little over a year ago. I was in the TV room
            watching my favorite show on The Discovery Channel.  I don't
            know the exact name of it but it's that show where all those
            animals in Africa attack all those other animals and eat them
            for survival.  Some people find it gross, but I find it
            relaxing.  Maybe because it's a nice change of pace from
            where I work at the DMV.  Anyway, I'm sitting there watching
            this hyena stalking this wildebeest when my wife Doris comes
            in, grabs the remote and hits the mute button just as the
            hyena was goin' for the wildebeest's throat.  Which as you
            know is the good part.

                                   DORIS
            We have to talk.

                                   ED
            You couldn't wait till after dinner?

                                   DORIS
            It's about Mary Ellen.  I think she's getting very serious
            about James.

                                   ED
            Which one is James?  That's not the hairdresser, is it?

                                   DORIS
            No.  That's either Marty or Manuel.  There were two
            hairdressers.  James is the sales rep from Microsoft.

                                   ED
            The little pudgy guy with the bald spot and the growth on his
            nose?

                                   DORIS
            No.  That's Barry.  The actor.

                                   ED
            He's an actor?  With a nose like that, what can he play
            besides gnomes?

                                   DORIS
            James met us at the mall last week.

                                   ED
            What, the tall, skinny guy with the earring and the cell
            phone in his pants? 

                                   DORIS
            That's the one.

                                   ED
            They're getting serious?

                                   DORIS
            That would be my estimation.
            Serious how?

                                   DORIS
            Serious like I think they've become intimate. 

                                   ED
            Intimate how?

                                   DORIS
            Intimate like in the way married people become intimate.

                                   ED
            I'll kill him.

                                   DORIS
            I thought you should know.  Relax.  Watch your warthog.

                                   ED
            It's not a warthog, it's a hyena.  And Mary Ellen is a baby!

                                   DORIS
            She's twenty-two years old.

                                   ED
            And they've been intimate?

                                   DORIS
            That would be my educated guess.

                                   ED
            And what educated you?   What's your evidence?

                                   DORIS
            I was sorting her sock drawer.  I found a package of condoms. 

                                   ED
            Don't say condoms to me where I can hear it!

                                   DORIS
            You have to know, Ed.  We have to be grownups about this.  It
            is 1995, after all.  It's not like it was in our day.  In
            1995, sex comes before love.  Young people today believe that
            if they can get over the hurdle of sex, then true love is
            much more easily achieved.

                                   ED
            Since when do you have to hurdle to get sex?  When you and I
            had sex the first time on our wedding night, there was no
            hurdling involved.  Sure, the silk sheets were a little
            slippery.  Sue me!  Tell me you didn't enjoy it on the floor! 
            I can't believe we're talking about sex and Mary Ellen in the
            same breath.

                                   DORIS
            Well, I'm glad we are.  Because I think she's going to be
            coming to you very soon for a father-daughter talk and I
            think you should be prepared.