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LUNCH MONEY 

by Jack Neary 

SETTING: A classroom, organized as a “courtroom.” 

The teacher's desk is center, and serves as the Judge’s bench. Next to the desk is a chair which serves as the witness chair. A table to the right of the desk is set up facing the audience/students, with two chairs behind it. A table to the left of the desk has the same set up. 

AT RISE: The BAILIFF, enters and steps to the center, addressing the AUDIENCE. All Characters are portrayed by middle school (or high school) students. 

BAILIFF 

All rise! 

The AUDIENCE will rise. A GUARD enters, escorting the defendant, HARLAN PARMENTER, into the room. HARLAN is a big, good-looking lad who manages a wide- eyed, innocent look most of the time, although his mean side presents itself when necessary. With HARLAN is his attorney, BRANDON WHISTLE; small, wiry and a smooth talker. Next comes prosecuting attorney SUZANNE SHARPY who looks and acts like her name, And her client, the plaintiff, MIKEY McDOUGALD, who looks and acts like somebody just stole his dog. 

Finally, Judge CYNTHIA CHEMISE enters and takes her place behind the desk. CYNTHIA is elegant and seems to want to be someplace else. 

BAILIFF (Cont'd) 

The trial of Mrs. Delfina's class versus Harlan Parmenter. The honorable Cynthia Chemise presiding. 

JUDGE CYNTHIA 

Be seated, I guess...whatever... (Slams gavel) L u n c h M o n e y b y J a c k N e a r y P a g e |

 

BAILIFF 

(To AUDIENCE) 

You heard her! 

The AUDIENCE members take their seats, as do the LAWYERS, the DEFENDANT and the PLAINTIFF. The BAILIFF and the GUARD stand to either side of the proceedings. 

JUDGE CYNTHIA 

So, you guys know I really don't want to be the Judge, but Mrs. Delfina said I have to because I need to learn how to be a leader because so many of you look up to me, so here I am. The Judge. Like it's my fault you look up to me. Anyway, this is the trial of Harlan Parmenter. Hi, Harlan. 

HARLAN 

Cyndi. (Winks) 

JUDGE CYNTHIA 

(Giggles) 

Harlan! Stop it! 

(To AUDIENCE) 

Harlan is accused of stealing lunch money from Mikey McDougald, who never says anything... 

(To MIKEY) 

Right, Mikey? (MIKEY says nothing) See? 

(To AUDIENCE) 

And you are going to be the jury. Get it? You are the jury. Okay? And it is going to be your duty as jurists to determine the guilt or innocence of Harlan...Hi, Harlan... 

HARLAN 

Cyndi... (Winks again) 

JUDGE CYNTHIA 

(Giggles) 

Which, you know, is a no-brainer... 

SUZANNE 

I object! 

JUDGE CYNTHIA 

I mean, why would Harlan need to steal anybody's lunch money…? L u n c h M o n e y b y J a c k N e a r y P a g e |

 

SUZANNE 

I object again! 

JUDGE CYNTHIA 

Look at him! 

SUZANNE 

I SAID I OBJECT! 

JUDGE CYNTHIA 

\ Do I care? 

SUZANNE 

Yes! You have to care! You're the Judge! 

JUDGE CYNTHIA 

(To BAILIFF) 

Is that true? 

BAILIFF 

Oh, yeah! 

JUDGE CYNTHIA 

(Reluctantly) 

Oh. All right. (To BAILIFF) What do I say when it's okay to object? 

BAILIFF 

Sustained. 

JUDGE CYNTHIA 

Sustained! There. (To SUZANNE) You feel better? 

SUZANNE 

I feel vindicated! 

JUDGE CYNTHIA 

That means you feel better, right? 

SUZANNE 

Something like that. 

JUDGE CYNTHIA 

So sit. (SUZANNE sits.) All right...let's see...what do I have to do now?... 

BAILIFF slaps a piece of paper in front of the 

The JUDGE.